A marriage at the time of the New Testament was similar to what we call cohabitation or marriage without a certificate. When Paul told his church members to marry, he did not have a marriage with a certificate in mind, but rather a marriage in the sense of the common Roman practice.At this point, one could argue that Jesus and his apostles were Jews and their marriage traditions differed from those of the Romans. This objection only holds true for a superficial glance. Even if Jews and Romans had different marriage traditions, marriage in both cultures took place in a private setting. In ancient times, marriage was not regulated by law.
But in all the many other books written by the representatives of the current church moral standard that I have read, the question of what Paul actually understands marriage to be is seldom asked. People just matter-of-factly assume that marriage at that time meant the same thing it does for us in the 21st century.It is often said that a marriage willed by God begins with the marriage license and that is why having sex before you get your marriage license is a sin. Although if anyone examines marriage in New Testament times concretely, they will come to a different result. Jesus, Paul, and the other apostles lived during the time of the Roman Empire. Marriages were not carried out at the civil registry office. People were primarily considered as being married when the two partners agreed within a private setting to enter into a lifelong relationship. The marriage was considered as established when both partners gave their consent in each other’s presence. There were neither marriage licenses nor legally regulated marriages in the Roman Empire. It was not even necessary to have witnesses. The public learned of a marriage when a man and a woman moved in together.
Summary
Book „Mariage Li(e)cense?“
Nowhere does the Bible mention anything about a marriage license. I could not see an official state marriage in the Bible or reconstruct one. From ancient times until the present, marriage had always been a private matter between two people and their families. In my opinion, also the New Testament warnings against fornication did not have anything to do with premarital sex. The only thing that God wishes from a couple is the readiness for lifelong faithfulness and responsibility to each other. When it is the question of the prohibition of premarital sex, the following verses from Paul are quoted: But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: …if they cannot exercise [sexual] self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. 1 Cor 7:8-9These verses are unambiguous! If anyone wants to have sex, they should marry.
No theologian, no pastor and no church has the right to set up generally valid norms for the form of a marriage. Coming from the New Testament understanding of marriage, each couple can decide by themselves what kind of partnership they want to have.The partners have the right to decide if the relationship will be carried out with or without a marriage license. They have the right to decide at which point during the dating phase that sex should enter the picture.According to my understanding, each couple is responsible only to themselves and to God in this matter.
If I understand the Bible correctly, then premarital sex is not the problem. The actual problem is that marriage is no longer defined according to Gen. 2:24. To God, marriage begins when two people detach themselves from others and intensively spend time with each other. In a modern way, one could say:The first step in a God-willed marriage begins with arranging to meet someone or dating. The longer two people are on their way together, the more they will get to know each other on the level of the heart. This phase is the second step of moving into a God-willed marriage. The third step is simply a matter of time. Two people who have already broken into each other on the level of the heart would also like to experience this condition on the physical level at some point.
Representatives of the current church moral standard define marriage according to the marriage license. Yet the Bible defines marriage by whether it is being carried by all three pillars from Gen. 2:24. No other religious traditions or bureaucratic possibilities belong to what God wishes for a marriage.Christian couples can decide freely if they want an engagement, a church blessing or a wedding. Couples are equally free to marry at the civil registry office/justice of the peace or live together without a license. The marriage pyramid illustrates this process. The Bible does not teach a clear beginning of marriage! Accordingly, it also does not state anything about premarital or postmarital sex. Sexuality is simply one of the three steps to a God-willed marriage!
The more I talk to people about this book, the more I get the impression that we could be dealing with a power problem. Is it possible that pastors, church leaders, and church associations think their church members are not capable of taking mature decisions on their own?Why is it so difficult to leave the decision of how people should build up and live out their relationship up to the individuals concerned? Why must churches exert pressure and demand moral concepts that cannot be proven by the biblical texts?Do we not already teach our children to make their own responsible decisions? Our school system promotes children to think for themselves and encourages them to plan their future sensibly. But when it comes to relationships, sexuality, and marriage, then quite a few Christians demand an obedience that is incomprehensible.
„The important question is not how we can prevent couples from having sex before they have their license. The truly crucial question is how we can help them handle the process of coming INTO marriage in a way so that sexuality comes at the right point! That is exactly what this book is about.“
An keiner Stelle spricht die Bibel über den öffentlich-rechtlichen Trauschein. Heiraten war von der Antike bis zur Neuzeit eigentlich immer eine Privatsache zwischen zwei Menschen oder deren Familien. Die neutestamentlichen Warnungen vor Unzucht haben nichts mit Sex vor der Ehe zu tun. Es geht dort um ein Verbot von ständig wechselnden Sexualpartnern und Prostitution. Alles, was Gott sich von einem Pärchen wünscht, ist die Bereitschaft für lebenslange Treue und Verantwortung für einander. Jesus hat den Pharisäern vorgeworfen, den Menschen von damals unerträgliche Lasten aufzulegen, weil sie die Anweisungen Gottes mit zusätzlichen Verboten ergänzt hatten (Lk11,46). Mein Eindruck ist, dass wir in unseren christlichen Kreisen dasselbe getan haben, wenn es um Freundschaft, Sexualität und Ehe geht. Die Bibel sagt etwas zu diesen Themen. Aber sie sagt nicht das, was wir in unseren Gemeinden häufig zu hören bekommen.Wenn es um ein Verbot von Sex vor der Ehe geht, dann werden häufig folgende Worte vom Apostel Paulus zitiert: Ich sage aber den Ledigen … wenn sie sich nicht (sexuell) enthalten können, dann sollten sie heiraten. Heiraten ist nämlich besser, als in Glut zu geraten. 1Kor7-8-9Diese Verse sagen eindeutig, dass Sex in die Ehe gehört. Was hier aber nicht gesagt wird ist, dass eine Hochzeit öffentlich-rechtlich auf dem Standesamt stattfinden muss, damit sie von Gott gesegnet werden kann. Jesus, Paulus und die anderen Apostel lebten zurzeit des römischen Reiches. Damals war eine Ehe keine öffentlich-rechtliche Sache. Vielmehr galt man als verheiratet, wenn die Partner im privaten Rahmen eine lebenslange Verbindung eingehen wollten. Die Öffentlichkeit erfuhr von so einer Eheverbindung, wenn das Pärchen zusammenzog. Wer sich mit der Ehepraxis zurzeit des Neuen Testaments beschäftigt, der stellt fest: Ehe im Neuen Testament ähnelt dem, was wir heute Konkubinat oder Ehe ohne Trauschein nennen. Unser heutiges Standesamt ist der schnellste und kostengünstigste Weg, eine juristisch abgesicherte Beziehung einzugehen. Aber an keiner Stelle verbietet die Bibel, dass ein Pärchen für sich alternativ zum Standesamt einen Ehevertrag beim Notar erstellen lässt. Wenn die Aussagen der Bibel wirklich die Richtschnur des Handelns sein sollen, dann darf auch heute jedes Paar die Lebensgemeinschaft wählen, die für sie die passende ist! Kein Theologe, kein Pastor und keine Gemeinde hat das Recht, in dieser Frage eine allgemeingültige Norm aufzustellen. Jedes Paar hat das Recht, unabhängig seinen Weg zu gehen. Christliche Pärchen haben das Recht zu entscheiden, ob sie eine Beziehung mit oder ohne Trauschein führen wollen. Sie haben das Recht zu entscheiden, an welcher Stelle im Freundschaftsprozess die Sexualität hinzukommen soll.