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Statement / Explanation

Book „Mariage Li(e)cense?“

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A   marriage   at   the   time   of   the   New   Testament   was   similar   to   what   we   call cohabitation   or   marriage   without   a   certificate.   When   Paul   told   his   church members   to   marry,   he   did   not   have   a   marriage   with   a   certificate   in   mind, but rather a marriage in the sense of the common Roman practice. At   this   point,   one   could   argue   that   Jesus   and   his   apostles   were   Jews   and their    marriage    traditions    differed    from    those    of    the    Romans.    This objection   only   holds   true   for   a   superficial   glance.   Even   if   Jews   and   Romans had   different   marriage   traditions,   marriage   in   both   cultures   took   place   in a private setting. In ancient times, marriage was not regulated by law.
But   in   all   the   many   other   books   written   by   the   representatives   of   the current   church   moral   standard   that   I   have   read,   the   question   of   what   Paul actually   understands   marriage   to   be   is   seldom   asked.   People   just   matter- of-factly   assume   that   marriage   at   that   time   meant   the   same   thing   it   does for us in the 21st century. It   is   often   said   that   a   marriage   willed   by   God   begins   with   the   marriage license   and   that   is   why   having   sex   before   you   get   your   marriage   license   is a   sin.   Although   if   anyone   examines   marriage   in   New   Testament   times concretely, they will come to a different result.  Jesus,   Paul,   and   the   other   apostles   lived   during   the   time   of   the   Roman Empire.   Marriages   were   not   carried   out   at   the   civil   registry   office.   People were    primarily    considered    as    being    married    when    the    two    partners agreed   within   a   private   setting   to   enter   into   a   lifelong   relationship.   The marriage   was   considered   as   established   when   both   partners   gave   their consent   in   each   other’s   presence.   There   were   neither   marriage   licenses nor   legally   regulated   marriages   in   the   Roman   Empire.   It   was   not   even necessary   to   have   witnesses.   The   public   learned   of   a   marriage   when   a man and a woman moved in together.

Summary

Book „Mariage Li(e)cense?“

Nowhere   does   the   Bible   mention   anything   about   a   marriage   license.   I   could not   see   an   official   state   marriage   in   the   Bible   or   reconstruct   one.   From ancient   times   until   the   present,   marriage   had   always   been   a   private   matter between    two    people    and    their    families.    In    my    opinion,    also    the    New Testament   warnings   against   fornication   did   not   have   anything   to   do   with premarital    sex.    The    only    thing    that    God    wishes    from    a    couple    is    the readiness for lifelong faithfulness and responsibility to each other. When   it   is   the   question   of   the   prohibition   of   premarital   sex,   the   following verses   from   Paul   are   quoted:   But   I   say   to   the   unmarried   and   to   the   widows: …if   they   cannot   exercise   [sexual]   self-control,   let   them   marry.   For   it   is   better to marry than to burn with passion. 1 Cor 7:8-9 These   verses   are   unambiguous!   If   anyone   wants   to   have   sex,   they   should marry.
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Graphical Model

Relationship Pyramid

No   theologian,   no   pastor   and   no   church   has   the   right   to   set up   generally   valid   norms   for   the   form   of   a   marriage.   Coming from   the   New   Testament   understanding   of   marriage,   each couple   can   decide   by   themselves   what   kind   of   partnership they want to have. The   partners   have   the   right   to   decide   if   the   relationship   will be   carried   out   with   or   without   a   marriage   license.   They   have the   right   to   decide   at   which   point   during   the   dating   phase that sex should enter the picture. According   to   my   understanding,   each   couple   is   responsible only to themselves and to God in this matter.
If   I   understand   the   Bible   correctly,   then   premarital   sex   is   not the   problem.   The   actual   problem   is   that   marriage   is   no   longer defined    according    to    Gen.    2:24.    To    God,    marriage    begins when     two     people     detach     themselves     from     others     and intensively   spend   time   with   each   other.   In   a   modern   way,   one could say: The   first   step   in   a   God-willed   marriage   begins   with   arranging to   meet   someone   or   dating.   The   longer   two   people   are   on their   way   together,   the   more   they   will   get   to   know   each   other on   the   level   of   the   heart.   This   phase   is   the   second   step   of moving   into   a   God-willed   marriage.   The   third   step   is   simply   a matter   of   time.   Two   people   who   have   already   broken   into each    other    on    the    level    of    the    heart    would    also    like    to experience this condition on the physical level at some point.
Representatives   of   the   current   church   moral   standard   define marriage   according   to   the   marriage   license.   Yet   the   Bible defines   marriage   by   whether   it   is   being   carried   by   all   three pillars    from    Gen.    2:24.    No    other    religious    traditions    or bureaucratic   possibilities   belong   to   what   God   wishes   for   a marriage. Christian     couples     can     decide     freely     if     they     want     an engagement,   a   church   blessing   or   a   wedding.   Couples   are equally   free   to   marry   at   the   civil   registry   office/justice   of   the peace    or    live    together    without    a    license.    The    marriage pyramid  illustrates this process. The    Bible    does    not    teach    a    clear    beginning    of    marriage! Accordingly,   it   also   does   not   state   anything   about   premarital or   postmarital   sex.   Sexuality   is   simply   one   of   the   three   steps to a God-willed marriage!
The   more   I   talk   to   people   about   this   book,   the   more   I   get   the impression   that   we   could   be   dealing   with   a   power   problem.   Is it     possible     that     pastors,     church     leaders,     and     church associations   think   their   church   members   are   not   capable   of taking mature decisions on their own? Why    is    it    so    difficult    to    leave    the    decision    of    how    people should    build    up    and    live    out    their    relationship    up    to    the individuals    concerned?    Why    must    churches    exert    pressure and   demand   moral   concepts   that   cannot   be   proven   by   the biblical texts? Do    we    not    already    teach    our    children    to    make    their    own responsible   decisions?   Our   school   system   promotes   children to   think   for   themselves   and   encourages   them   to   plan   their future   sensibly.   But   when   it   comes   to   relationships,   sexuality, and    marriage,    then    quite    a    few    Christians    demand    an obedience that is incomprehensible.
Trailer Book „Mariage Li(e)cense?“ 
„The   important   question   is   not   how   we   can   prevent   couples   from   having   sex   before   they   have   their   license.   The truly   crucial   question   is   how   we   can   help   them   handle   the   process   of   coming   INTO   marriage   in   a   way   so   that sexuality comes at the right point! That is exactly what this book is about.“

Zusammenfassung

Buch „Trauscheinlüge?“

An    keiner    Stelle    spricht    die    Bibel über      den      öffentlich-rechtlichen Trauschein.   Heiraten   war   von   der Antike    bis    zur    Neuzeit    eigentlich immer    eine    Privatsache    zwischen zwei       Menschen       oder       deren Familien.    Die    neutestamentlichen Warnungen     vor     Unzucht     haben nichts   mit   Sex   vor   der   Ehe   zu   tun. Es    geht    dort    um    ein    Verbot    von ständig                           wechselnden Sexualpartnern    und    Prostitution. Alles,    was    Gott    sich    von    einem Pärchen         wünscht,         ist         die Bereitschaft   für   lebenslange   Treue und Verantwortung für einander. Jesus         hat         den         Pharisäern vorgeworfen,    den    Menschen    von damals        unerträgliche        Lasten aufzulegen,          weil          sie          die Anweisungen            Gottes            mit zusätzlichen       Verboten       ergänzt hatten   (Lk11,46).   Mein   Eindruck   ist, dass    wir    in    unseren    christlichen Kreisen     dasselbe     getan     haben, wenn        es        um        Freundschaft, Sexualität und Ehe geht. Die    Bibel    sagt    etwas    zu    diesen Themen.   Aber   sie   sagt   nicht   das, was    wir    in    unseren    Gemeinden häufig zu hören bekommen. Wenn   es   um   ein   Verbot   von   Sex vor    der    Ehe    geht,    dann    werden häufig       folgende       Worte       vom Apostel Paulus zitiert: Ich    sage    aber    den    Ledigen    wenn     sie     sich     nicht     (sexuell) enthalten   können,   dann   sollten sie        heiraten.        Heiraten        ist nämlich    besser,    als    in    Glut    zu geraten. 1Kor7-8-9 Diese   Verse   sagen   eindeutig,   dass Sex    in    die    Ehe    gehört.    Was    hier aber    nicht    gesagt    wird    ist,    dass eine    Hochzeit    öffentlich-rechtlich auf    dem    Standesamt    stattfinden muss,   damit   sie   von   Gott   gesegnet werden    kann.    Jesus,    Paulus    und die   anderen   Apostel   lebten   zurzeit des     römischen     Reiches.     Damals war     eine     Ehe     keine     öffentlich- rechtliche     Sache.     Vielmehr     galt man     als     verheiratet,     wenn     die Partner   im   privaten   Rahmen   eine lebenslange   Verbindung   eingehen wollten.    Die    Öffentlichkeit    erfuhr von   so   einer   Eheverbindung,   wenn das Pärchen zusammenzog. Wer   sich   mit   der   Ehepraxis   zurzeit des             Neuen             Testaments beschäftigt,   der   stellt   fest:   Ehe   im Neuen   Testament   ähnelt   dem,   was wir    heute    Konkubinat    oder    Ehe ohne Trauschein nennen. Unser   heutiges   Standesamt   ist   der schnellste     und     kostengünstigste Weg,    eine    juristisch    abgesicherte Beziehung    einzugehen.    Aber    an keiner    Stelle    verbietet    die    Bibel, dass       ein       Pärchen       für       sich alternativ    zum    Standesamt    einen Ehevertrag    beim    Notar    erstellen lässt. Wenn     die     Aussagen     der     Bibel wirklich       die       Richtschnur       des Handelns    sein    sollen,    dann    darf auch       heute       jedes       Paar       die Lebensgemeinschaft     wählen,     die für     sie     die     passende     ist!     Kein Theologe,    kein    Pastor    und    keine Gemeinde   hat   das   Recht,   in   dieser Frage   eine   allgemeingültige   Norm aufzustellen. Jedes       Paar       hat       das       Recht, unabhängig   seinen   Weg   zu   gehen. Christliche     Pärchen     haben     das Recht   zu   entscheiden,   ob   sie   eine Beziehung        mit        oder        ohne Trauschein      führen      wollen.      Sie haben   das   Recht   zu   entscheiden, an           welcher           Stelle           im Freundschaftsprozess                   die Sexualität hinzukommen soll.
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